Palm Sunday. It's always one of my favorite times of the year. This, along with the darkness of Lent, the intentional time to remember the sorrow and suffering of Christ. How well I remember that Jesus identifies with human loss and human sorrow. Scripture calls him a "man of sorrows." I have been contemplating His deep agony. What it must have been like to feel so utterly alone. I believe that Jesus is God. He and the Father are One. So when he cried out, "my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" he experienced a full denial and abandonment of self as well. In my life, I have never experienced this complete abandonment. I have been abandoned by many people, and I have suffered... but I have always trusted and believed that God was with me... even if I have not felt Him. For me, it has always been a hope and a faith that I have held dear. But on the cross, Jesus did not even have that. God the Father had turned away. This is desolation, complete loneliness.
Jesus, I know I'm not much of a friend.
My Lord, it breaks my heart to think that you would experience such loneliness.
As much as I am able, I long to love you. I long to be near to you.
I cannot heal your heart, but I am open for you to heal mine.
I cannot save you from your deep sorrow, but you can save me.
I know that I am not much of a friend, but you are a blessed friend to me.
You are all things and we honor you this day.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Well, it's official (or almost official)- we are mailing our 'Christian Motorcycle Association' (CMA) application today. We attended our second CMA chapter meeting at Pizza Hut yesterday after church. Already, we love those people and their infectious, boastful, uninhibited zeal for Jesus Christ. Man, that's something that Eric and I had lost. Somewhere down the road we have forgotten (or purposefully neglected) what evangelism is all about. The chapter president, Carl, stood in front of the little hungry congregation and spoke loud for Jesus. No doubt, every patron, waitress, and fry-cook heard his message that day. So, Eric and I are excited to be a part of this organization. We look forward to long rides together, fundraising for other Christian organizations, sharing the love of Christ... and maybe Sturgis? (who would'a thunk it?!) It's fun.
One man there, they call him "Yosemite Sam," needed prayer for his heart. He had a transplant a while ago but his body is constantly trying to reject the implanted heart. He has been in and out of the hospital but mostly, he just feels like constant death is upon him. So pray for Sam... but also consider... why would the body reject a heart? Does the body NOT know that the heart is the life of the body? The heart sustains everything! It sustains the blood that nourishes all of the other parts... what foolishness for the body for reject such a friend! I'm sure you understand that this is such a great parallel for our human condition in Christ. Christ is our heart, our sustainance, our life-blood. So why do we reject Him? Why does our simple flesh strive to push Him out- to squelch His healing?
Just wondering.
And just another thought: I met a woman named Kasey. She was bound to a wheelchair, her hands crippled, her head moving unstable like a newborn child. I met her after hearing this great commotion in the basement where we were preparing to lead worship for a Young Life staff meeting. Two grown men were carrying her down the stairs, another man carried her wheelchair... all of them giggling like elementary children. Kasey was laughing hysterically at how these men were carrying her... all struggling and lop-sided.
After worship, the group launched into spontaneous prayer... and then Kasey prayed. She asked the Lord for the strength to be a witness for her unsaved family. She prayed for her parents, and her sister- that they may see the light and love of Christ in her. She simply said, "Lord, please be glorified in me."
She didn't pray for herself. She didn't ask for healing. She didn't want a restored body. She prayed for the grace to be a witness for Christ in her current state. What an amazing testimony to me- and everyone sitting there.
I thought about heaven. Here we sit- all souls wrapped in varying flesh. Some beautiful women were sitting in the crowd- full of fashion and jewels... and pride, no doubt. Kasey sat in a broken body, in a wheelchair. Who will have the more beautiful soul in heaven? Who will spend eternity in a more radiant restored body?
Just a thought.
One man there, they call him "Yosemite Sam," needed prayer for his heart. He had a transplant a while ago but his body is constantly trying to reject the implanted heart. He has been in and out of the hospital but mostly, he just feels like constant death is upon him. So pray for Sam... but also consider... why would the body reject a heart? Does the body NOT know that the heart is the life of the body? The heart sustains everything! It sustains the blood that nourishes all of the other parts... what foolishness for the body for reject such a friend! I'm sure you understand that this is such a great parallel for our human condition in Christ. Christ is our heart, our sustainance, our life-blood. So why do we reject Him? Why does our simple flesh strive to push Him out- to squelch His healing?
Just wondering.
And just another thought: I met a woman named Kasey. She was bound to a wheelchair, her hands crippled, her head moving unstable like a newborn child. I met her after hearing this great commotion in the basement where we were preparing to lead worship for a Young Life staff meeting. Two grown men were carrying her down the stairs, another man carried her wheelchair... all of them giggling like elementary children. Kasey was laughing hysterically at how these men were carrying her... all struggling and lop-sided.
After worship, the group launched into spontaneous prayer... and then Kasey prayed. She asked the Lord for the strength to be a witness for her unsaved family. She prayed for her parents, and her sister- that they may see the light and love of Christ in her. She simply said, "Lord, please be glorified in me."
She didn't pray for herself. She didn't ask for healing. She didn't want a restored body. She prayed for the grace to be a witness for Christ in her current state. What an amazing testimony to me- and everyone sitting there.
I thought about heaven. Here we sit- all souls wrapped in varying flesh. Some beautiful women were sitting in the crowd- full of fashion and jewels... and pride, no doubt. Kasey sat in a broken body, in a wheelchair. Who will have the more beautiful soul in heaven? Who will spend eternity in a more radiant restored body?
Just a thought.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Dreams
This is quite in response to my sister's blog. She posted five or six big life dreams which turned me on to my own dreams and aspirations. So here they are:
* to teach (secondary education preferably)... either english/lit./poetry or therapy or bible (new testament).
* to travel the world (plans are already in the making for 2015). but, of course, the Lord directs our footsteps.
* to raise these two boys well enough that they will grow-up strong enough to turn around and forgive us for all of our mistakes.
many have asked about recording contracts, stardom/fame, Nashville, success... and I wonder what success is. To me, on most days, it is simply falling into bed with dishes loaded into the dishwasher... and my teeth brushed. I love singing, I love traveling, I love being with my family, I love sitting still and quiet on a warm day. This is success... following Christ and enjoying the beauty of the moment. Living for others... growing into kindness, compassion, self-control, self-confidence, grace, forgiveness... this is success to me.
being patient with my children,
falling more in love with my husband,
these are my dreams.
* to teach (secondary education preferably)... either english/lit./poetry or therapy or bible (new testament).
* to travel the world (plans are already in the making for 2015). but, of course, the Lord directs our footsteps.
* to raise these two boys well enough that they will grow-up strong enough to turn around and forgive us for all of our mistakes.
many have asked about recording contracts, stardom/fame, Nashville, success... and I wonder what success is. To me, on most days, it is simply falling into bed with dishes loaded into the dishwasher... and my teeth brushed. I love singing, I love traveling, I love being with my family, I love sitting still and quiet on a warm day. This is success... following Christ and enjoying the beauty of the moment. Living for others... growing into kindness, compassion, self-control, self-confidence, grace, forgiveness... this is success to me.
being patient with my children,
falling more in love with my husband,
these are my dreams.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Towers and Battles
Eric and I are huge Lord of the Ring fans. Over the last week, I have been watching the Appendices documentaries for The Two Towers and the making of the movie. The behind-the-scenes info is simply my favorite part of the story. Did you know that Viggo (who plays “Aragorn”) broke his front tooth and two toes during the second movie? Did you know that Orlando (who plays “Legolas”) broke two ribs when he fell off a horse? Did you know that the filming of Helms’ Deep took about four months of filming- only during night hours, midnight after midnight, in the rain (real or artificial), in the cold, in the mud, in sixty-plus pounds of costume?
Why would these actors subject themselves to the torture of the elements, the hypothermia, the broken bones, the long hours, the hell of Hollywood movie-making? For what, fame? Money?
At one point, one of the stuntmen said that he risked his life for the opportunity to be in this movie. It was a “once in a lifetime opportunity,” he said. But could it be that it is more than that? Could it be that everyone involved: actors, office workers, stunt doubles, food prep people, make-up artists, directors, etc., felt that they were part of this grand “story” that looks something quite like the Christian faith?
I admit that I was a bit ashamed, if not convicted, that I often lack the same “want to” (as Pastor Steve would say), stick-to-it stamina that gets me through this grand adventure of faith. Following Jesus is the greatest, most wonderful, hardest, most soul-stretching story that one could ever play through. It’s hard! There will be long, long nights, broken bones, rain and wilderness, intense battles.
This weekend, Pastor Steve’s message resonated with me when he said, “There will be towers to build and battles to fight,” based on Jesus’ story in Luke 14:28-33. Okay... towers and battles... I’ve been watching hours of L.O.R. documentary. I’m there! And he’s right. This is one GRAND story, one amazing adventure that we are blessed and so thankful to be a part of. Will we take the broken bones... sure. Will we stand with Christ in the spiritual trenches- mud up to our knees, rain-soaked through to the core... absolutely. Because it is this great adventure... this great STORY that pushes us forward. It started before time... on through to the garden... on through past prophets and rulers... a small gathering in an upper room... martyrs... the twentieth-century faithful... on to an unknown future... into glory and forever. What a story.
The quote that follows is from the documentary. It sounds a bit like faith, does it not?
“Viggo had this sort of slogan written on a piece of paper above his mirror and it was, ‘Adapt and Overcome.” That sort of philosophy was central to how a lot of us coped with working with Lord of the Rings. Everyone’s gonna have their time when they just go, ‘I just wanna give up’ but never to the point of going, ‘I don’t wanna do this.’ I suppose it’s the same old saying, ‘If it was ever easy, everyone would be doing it.’ In all its parts, it was a tough, sometimes frustrating, but always rewarding experience. You know, it was a big, rolling adventure. Sometimes it was, you know, a juggernaut, that you’re all on top of. You’re holding onto the reins, this thing feels completely out of control but you’re just trying to ride it out. And you look back on it all wondering how the heck you got through all of that work, but you did.”
And we look back upon the expanse of life and see the towers built... and the battles won.
And wouldn’t we work and fight all over again?
Friends, brothers and sisters, keep on.
Why would these actors subject themselves to the torture of the elements, the hypothermia, the broken bones, the long hours, the hell of Hollywood movie-making? For what, fame? Money?
At one point, one of the stuntmen said that he risked his life for the opportunity to be in this movie. It was a “once in a lifetime opportunity,” he said. But could it be that it is more than that? Could it be that everyone involved: actors, office workers, stunt doubles, food prep people, make-up artists, directors, etc., felt that they were part of this grand “story” that looks something quite like the Christian faith?
I admit that I was a bit ashamed, if not convicted, that I often lack the same “want to” (as Pastor Steve would say), stick-to-it stamina that gets me through this grand adventure of faith. Following Jesus is the greatest, most wonderful, hardest, most soul-stretching story that one could ever play through. It’s hard! There will be long, long nights, broken bones, rain and wilderness, intense battles.
This weekend, Pastor Steve’s message resonated with me when he said, “There will be towers to build and battles to fight,” based on Jesus’ story in Luke 14:28-33. Okay... towers and battles... I’ve been watching hours of L.O.R. documentary. I’m there! And he’s right. This is one GRAND story, one amazing adventure that we are blessed and so thankful to be a part of. Will we take the broken bones... sure. Will we stand with Christ in the spiritual trenches- mud up to our knees, rain-soaked through to the core... absolutely. Because it is this great adventure... this great STORY that pushes us forward. It started before time... on through to the garden... on through past prophets and rulers... a small gathering in an upper room... martyrs... the twentieth-century faithful... on to an unknown future... into glory and forever. What a story.
The quote that follows is from the documentary. It sounds a bit like faith, does it not?
“Viggo had this sort of slogan written on a piece of paper above his mirror and it was, ‘Adapt and Overcome.” That sort of philosophy was central to how a lot of us coped with working with Lord of the Rings. Everyone’s gonna have their time when they just go, ‘I just wanna give up’ but never to the point of going, ‘I don’t wanna do this.’ I suppose it’s the same old saying, ‘If it was ever easy, everyone would be doing it.’ In all its parts, it was a tough, sometimes frustrating, but always rewarding experience. You know, it was a big, rolling adventure. Sometimes it was, you know, a juggernaut, that you’re all on top of. You’re holding onto the reins, this thing feels completely out of control but you’re just trying to ride it out. And you look back on it all wondering how the heck you got through all of that work, but you did.”
And we look back upon the expanse of life and see the towers built... and the battles won.
And wouldn’t we work and fight all over again?
Friends, brothers and sisters, keep on.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Prayer- Richard J. Foster
in my endless battle with prayer, i picked up Richard Foster's book entitled "Prayer- finding the heart's true home." i woke up wednesday morning feeling a bit homeless, considering we just moved from cincinnati and our family at northminster (that's not quite home anymore).. and just settled into a fresh life in wichita (with boxes stacked to the ceiling and the newness of it all- it's not quite home yet). so we're in this strange middle place of homelessness. so i went to the Lord in prayer, and as the book's title suggested, found my true home. here is an excerpt from the introduction that ministered to me:
"For too long we have been in a far country: a country of noise and hurry and crowds, a country of climb and push and shove, a country of frustration and fear and intimidation. And he welcomes us home: home to serenity and peace and joy, home to friendship and fellowship and openness, home to intimacy and acceptance and affirmation.
We do not need to be shy. He invites us into the living room of his heart, where we can put on old slippers and share freely. He invites us into the kitchen of his friendship, where chatter and batter mix in good fun. He invites us into the dining room of his strength, where we can feast to our heart's delight. He invites us into the study of his wisdom, where we can learn and grow and stretch... and ask all the questions we want. He invites us into the workshop of his creativity, where we can be co-laborers with him, working together to determine the outcomes of events. He invites us into the bedroom of his rest, where new peace is found and where we can be naked and vulnerable and free. It is also the place of deepest intimacy where we know and are known to the fullest."
"For too long we have been in a far country: a country of noise and hurry and crowds, a country of climb and push and shove, a country of frustration and fear and intimidation. And he welcomes us home: home to serenity and peace and joy, home to friendship and fellowship and openness, home to intimacy and acceptance and affirmation.
We do not need to be shy. He invites us into the living room of his heart, where we can put on old slippers and share freely. He invites us into the kitchen of his friendship, where chatter and batter mix in good fun. He invites us into the dining room of his strength, where we can feast to our heart's delight. He invites us into the study of his wisdom, where we can learn and grow and stretch... and ask all the questions we want. He invites us into the workshop of his creativity, where we can be co-laborers with him, working together to determine the outcomes of events. He invites us into the bedroom of his rest, where new peace is found and where we can be naked and vulnerable and free. It is also the place of deepest intimacy where we know and are known to the fullest."
Monday, February 15, 2010
moved in today
Yesterday was our first Sunday here in Wichita- HOPE Community Church. It was amazing. Pastor Steve took a break from his teaching series to teach on the reason for having a Pastor of Worship Arts (that's Eric). He told the church three things: 1) Eric is NOT the music messiah. 2) Let Eric be Eric. 3) Give it time. He then gave Eric some fatherly advice- ways to care for himself, his family, and the congregation. It was sweet, powerful, and perfect. Eric spoke, introduced himself, made us laugh, was deep and tender, and endeared the congregation to himself. He was eloquent and wonderful. After, the church anointed and laid hands upon him- commissioning him for this new leadership role. The church brought TONS of groceries for us- a table that was overflowing- bags and bags of groceries (root beer, pumpkin pie, hot sauce!), decorative cakes, gift cards...
After church we were invited to the CMA (Christian Motorcycle Association)'s monthly meeting at Pizza Hut. Truly, it was incredible. The place was full of bikers who love Jesus. They gathered around one member and laid hands on him- right in the middle of the restaurant. We are excited to be a part of that ministry.
Today, we unloaded the storage facility, loaded trailers, unloaded trailers, and loaded our house full of the stuff we really don't need. Our new house cannot accommodate much of the stuff we brought here... oh well... there's always Craigslist. The boys love their new rooms- I love the new kitchen. Everything turned out so beautifully.
Some of my plants didn't make the trip out here- they're a bit sad looking. Wilma Jean and the pink flamingo made it just fine but our concrete dinosaur arrived with his head smashed to bits.
A good friend, Eric Bowen, just happened (I don't believe in coincidence) to be in Wichita for business this week. He brought Chinese food for the whole moving crew to our house and visited for the evening. It was a blast to see him again. We talked a lot of Jerry & Julie Franks (man, we really miss them) and reminisced of old Beggarman times. Good memories. Good friends.
I will post some new pictures soon... thank you for all of your prayers and phone calls- we are doing great. Love you all.
b.
After church we were invited to the CMA (Christian Motorcycle Association)'s monthly meeting at Pizza Hut. Truly, it was incredible. The place was full of bikers who love Jesus. They gathered around one member and laid hands on him- right in the middle of the restaurant. We are excited to be a part of that ministry.
Today, we unloaded the storage facility, loaded trailers, unloaded trailers, and loaded our house full of the stuff we really don't need. Our new house cannot accommodate much of the stuff we brought here... oh well... there's always Craigslist. The boys love their new rooms- I love the new kitchen. Everything turned out so beautifully.
Some of my plants didn't make the trip out here- they're a bit sad looking. Wilma Jean and the pink flamingo made it just fine but our concrete dinosaur arrived with his head smashed to bits.
A good friend, Eric Bowen, just happened (I don't believe in coincidence) to be in Wichita for business this week. He brought Chinese food for the whole moving crew to our house and visited for the evening. It was a blast to see him again. We talked a lot of Jerry & Julie Franks (man, we really miss them) and reminisced of old Beggarman times. Good memories. Good friends.
I will post some new pictures soon... thank you for all of your prayers and phone calls- we are doing great. Love you all.
b.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
a long goodbye
wow. these last few weeks (or months!) have been the best and greatest and hardest of times. a HUGE thank you to our friends and family at northminster - we were hugged, cried over, blessed, and showered with love/prayers/gifts. what an amazing time. during one of our many goodbyes i whispered a silent "thank you" to the Lord for pouring His love over us through such wonderful friends...
today we are in st. louis. the boys (all three) are downstairs swimming and i am taking some quiet recuperating time. driving out here this morning, the snow was shimmery and beautiful on the trees. it was quiet and calm. today i feel peaceful.
tomorrow we head to the City Museum after a free HOT breakfast (with belgium waffles, donuts, eggs, bacon, danish, juice, coffee- whoo hoo!)
talk at ya soon
b.
today we are in st. louis. the boys (all three) are downstairs swimming and i am taking some quiet recuperating time. driving out here this morning, the snow was shimmery and beautiful on the trees. it was quiet and calm. today i feel peaceful.
tomorrow we head to the City Museum after a free HOT breakfast (with belgium waffles, donuts, eggs, bacon, danish, juice, coffee- whoo hoo!)
talk at ya soon
b.
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